In a complicated financial maneuver, Goldman Sachs today took over the rights to Earth.
The rangling of the Earth from the Meek began in 1999 with the repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act. Starting in 2004, predatory lenders began targeting the Meek, offering unheard-of deals on home loans. The Meek - unaware their inheritance would be used as collateral - then began foreclosing on their homes at a dramatic pace. Last week, the threshold was passed, giving Goldman Sachs a plus-50% holding of the planet at the time of their deaths.
“Once again Goldman Sachs has proven to be a leader in world markets, in this case literally,” said Former Goldman Sachs CEO Henry Paulson. “The economy and the planet are in better hands with Goldman Sachs.”
For the most part, reaction from the Meek has been mostly muted.
“Meh, whatever,” said Noted Meek Tim Johnson of Tupelo, Miss. “I never expected to see that inheritance anyway.”
Goldman Sachs announced the opening of a new division called simply “The Planet.” The Planet will be publicly traded, with shares of the Earth available for $87.45 at the IPO to be held later this week.
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